It's Kentucky State Fair time again and that means only two things, dodging cow patties and taking a trip to the Midway -excuse me "Thrillway."   Unfortunately, this year the very interesting and nostalgic Freak Show exhibition was mysteriously missing.  What a disappointment!  In it's place, some guy dressed as a clown in a dunk tank- daring anyone who passed by to send him into the water at the discount price of 10 balls for $5.  Sorry no prize- even if you win.

 

The Thrillway this year is home to two dark ride attractions.  Although you would think I should know what to expect by now, as-in "there is no truth in advertising," their facades get me everytime.

 

Sliding on up to the second dark ride, haunted castle (or something), the ride could have as easily been called Ghost Town.  Not a lot of riders here, but we had to jump on anyway for the discount price of only $3.50 per person.  As the first clicky-clacky car pulled away from us, I couldn't help but wonder just how sparce this would be.  

 

You always have an idea in your mind about dark rides, mostly from movies.  The rides shown were cheesy, but they did have some art to them inside and perhaps at least one mediocre set piece or stunt.

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Didn't really matter because my mind was made up to raise some hell on the Thrillway regardless.  Lack of audio? no problem - Insert Screaming.  Lack of props? no problem - Insert worse Screaming.  Lack of scares of any kind? - no problem - Insert Screaming like you were being killed in the back of a tractor trailer.  

 

First turn and well- nothing.  There was a skeleton here but it wasn't even the type you would imagine on a cheap dark ride.  It wasn't a cheap plastic figure. it was more like a moving sign board.  

 

Insert first horrific Scream!@  AHHHHH!

 

Bounce through a couple more black turns and we were presented with what had to be the world's smallest "Ghost pokes head over tombstone stunt"  I have ever seen.  Again, it wasn't 3D of any kind, unless you consider etch-a-sketch 3D.  It did have a scary buzzer sound.

 

Insert second horrific Scream!@ blahhh, ahhh!

 

Couple more black turns and we are presented with some things which could not be identified they came and went so fast.  There may have been a spider in a web, a skull, heck- who knows?

 

Doesn't matter because because the last scream is made like we are dying in there......aaaaaaah hjahahahah!

 

Making the final turn, we exit to the outside.......only to find a glassy eyed kid staring at that exit like he is ready to pee his pants from the screams that were echoing from within.  Wow, now this ride is scary!

His look of terror tells all as he runs off, hopefully to return and face his fears on this ride. 

 

I do find myself asking a few questions any haunter would ask at this point like....Gee why not improve the stunts a little to match the outside?  What would it cost?  $500?   In addition to the bells and buzzer, why not include screams or moans without me making them?  

 

These questions may never be answered.  But, do me and the owners of these dark rides a favor.  If you make your way to the thrillway, make a kid's night by screaming loudly inside the Haunted Castle.